


Never Let Me Go

by scorpion22



Category: The Sopranos
Genre: Christopher is more refined here, Christopher learns how to treat a woman, Dating, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Flashbacks, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Making Love, Neck Kissing, Pain, Prison, Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Slow Romance, Surprise Kissing, Trust Issues, based on a Lana Del Rey song, christopher being sweet, christopher can be an ass sometimes, you won't expect any of this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2019-10-15 22:23:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17537432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpion22/pseuds/scorpion22
Summary: After Christopher loses Adriana, he never thought he'd love another woman, not in the same way, but then he meets someone that proves him wrong. So wrong that when all hell breaks loose, this woman sacrifices everything for him in a way that Adriana would not.





	1. Chapter 1

This wasn’t where she’d pictured herself when she’d thought of her life. Roxanne Morella had always thought she meet a guy, fall in love, maybe even have a couple of kids, but she hadn’t pictured this. This moment in a hotel room with the man she loved their future looming over them completely out of control. It made her numb even as it chilled her. It made her feel cold, not just her skin, but no matter how much she wrapped herself in warmth, she couldn’t get warm. It was like her body was preparing her something, she just didn’t know what. Maybe it was because she knew what was coming, maybe it was because of the sacrifice she was making for the man she loved, but as she stood there, looking in the mirror at herself, she had no answers. And yet she regretted nothing.  
“Rox?” Christopher said her name in that moment his shadow appearing in the doorway behind her, but she didn’t move, only looking at him in the mirror, still regretting nothing because she loved him that was why she was going away, giving up everything she had worked for. Yes, she had helped him, she had gone to make that drop, but even as she might go to prison for it, she didn’t regret it.   
“Roxanne?” Christopher repeated her name his eyes worried for her as they met hers in the mirror as he entered the light of the bathroom.   
“Christopher?” Roxanne said his name in the same way, knowing from the look in his eyes what he wanted to say, but didn’t as his arms went around her as his lips kissed her neck with love making her eyes close.   
“Talk to me. What’s going on in that mind of yours? I need to know if you’re okay” Christopher said it on a breath against her neck. He held her body close to his, her back to his chest, but Roxanne didn’t make a sound. She didn’t want to ruin it yet, this moment, what might be their last. She just kept her arms crossed over his chest her hands touching his and she leaned back against him, her eyes still closed as she recorded this moment in her mind. When it was long gone, she wanted to remember it when she was all alone at night.   
“Sure, I’m gonna be fine. I’m just savoring my freedom, I guess” Roxanne answered finally. Her eyes finally opened, and she met his in the mirror again. She could see in them that he loved her, and she showed him her love in return. She was doing this because she loved him, because that was what you did for those you loved. She had become a new person for him, broken all her rules, and the walls she had built over the years for him. Yet, still no regrets came as she looked at him, her love for him making it worth it along with the same love he had for her. She turned to face him bringing her hands to cup his face.   
“I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen tomorrow or any day that’s coming. I want to forget about for a bit and just be with you. Because I don’t know when I will again…and I love you. So, please…let’s not talk about it now” exclaimed Roxanne her voice shaking as it cracked then as he nodded. He brought his forehead down to meet hers and as her arms went around his neck his held the small of her back. Their eyes closed for a moment as she took a shaky breath and she was content to let him hold her while he was content to do so.   
“Okay, but you know you can if you need to” said Christopher his fingers in her hair as he kissed her temple. She nodded then, her arms around him.   
“I know, babe…just not now. It feels like that’s all we’ve been talking about when really there’s nothing to do. I just want to go to bed and feel your arms around me and enjoy our time together while we’re still together” exclaimed Roxanne opening her eyes to look at him. She knew he meant well that he was trying to be there in any way she needed, and she loved him for it. Christopher could see that she was heavy with emotion and he would give her whatever she needed. That was why he held her, his arms tight as they crushed her to him. He knew she was right and if this was what she wanted, what she needed it was what he would give her. She let him lead her to the bedroom then as she tried to keep from crying.   
As he led her to the bed, neither of them was sure of anything. Roxanne wasn’t sure of what she wanted then as she lay on her side on the bed. She was torn between wanting him to make love to her for what could be the last time and just laying there with his arms around her. If he initiated anything, she knew she wouldn’t turn him down, but when he didn’t, she honestly didn’t care. She was content just laying there with him, as they’d done many times before in far better times, and laying there then, she couldn’t help thinking that she would miss simply laying with him. She would miss the sound of his voice in her ear as she fell asleep. The way he always stroked his fingers through her hair after they made love and the way he hummed first thing in the morning when they were just waking up. She would miss so many things about him that was her thought as she felt the bed dip under his weight. Christopher didn’t try to make love to her at all as he touched her with a soft gentle touch. Instead, he did what she really wanted deep down, and she didn’t even need to tell him.   
“I’m going to miss you…miss this” whispered Roxanne suddenly her voice low as she laid on her side, one arm tucked beneath her head. Christopher joined her, his body warm as it laid beside hers, her back against his chest as his arm wrapped around her to take her hand.   
“It’s gonna be alright” whispered Christopher his lips kissing her neck as he propped an elbow on the bed before laying his head there to watch her.   
Roxanne nodded, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Christopher could see she was scared, it almost startled him because he’d never seen her that way before. The woman before him was fearless from the moment he met her, but he couldn’t blame her for her fear now. He knew the sacrifice she was making for him and holding her close, he breathed her in.   
“Babe, would you look at me, please. I want to see your face. I want to remember this beautiful face” Christopher said it so low she almost didn’t hear him. She felt his lips as he spoke. They kissed the back of her neck then up to her head and something inside her seemed to quiver. It would be awhile before he did that again. Roxanne felt the tears as they gathered without falling in her eyes.   
When her body moved beside his, Christopher held her still his hand moving along her side as she turned to face him. She found herself cuddling close to him, her eyes meeting his as her breasts pressed close against his chest then before suddenly a single tear broke free. Roxanne hid her face in his neck then refusing to let him see her cry, but Christopher only kissed her cheek. He made her look at him, wanting her to know that she didn’t have to be strong all the time especially not now. She still tried to hide her tears, but he saw them all the same. Christopher didn’t care about them though as he kissed her forehead then her cheeks then finally her lips. She could be vulnerable with him and he wanted her to know that as more tears fell from her eyes.   
“Christopher” exclaimed Roxanne saying his name like an apology as tears ran down her cheeks.   
“Don’t apologize or say your sorry, baby…you are doing something that I never thought someone would love me enough to do. You cry if it’s what you need to do. Don’t hold it in…talk to me if it’s what you need” said Christopher his own voice cracking as his emotions built up inside him. He stroked her face then making her smile for just a second as she looked at him. When he took her face in his hands her own hands covering his after a moment. Roxanne felt took as she felt his hands on her face. She had always tried to be so strong, to take care of herself, and not let anyone see her break even him. She piled it all inside and it had taken him forever to break the walls she’d built so precisely inside herself, but he did. That was why she finally looked into his eyes. He still looked at her with such love in his eyes and suddenly with just that, her tears overcame her to flow more freely over her face.   
“Christopher, I love you…I’m doing this because I love you, but…I’m scared. Scared of what’s going to happen tomorrow and the day after that. Before now I’ve never ever been to jail…I’m just so scared…I…I don’t know” Roxanne shook with every word as she shook in his arms. Christopher pressed her closer her face buried in his chest now as he soothed her. He let her cry, his eyes closing as she broke there with him, and he knew she wouldn’t have done so in front of anyone else. It proved her love for him and that she trusted him as he kissed her wherever he could reach.   
“I know, Rox, I know…don’t be worried or scared. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you this doesn’t change that. I love you, nothing’s gonna happen to you. I love you so much and no matter what happens tomorrow it’s gonna be alright” exclaimed Christopher his arms holding her with a strength she reveled in as she cried then as his own guilt gnawed at him for letting her go through with this. If he could go back, he would have taken her place. He wouldn’t have let her make that drop especially if he’d known one of the guys was a cop. He never would have bothered her with it. He knew she’d only done it to protect him from falling back into his addiction, but as he held her, he didn’t think losing her was worth it. Staying sober, he knew she’d argue, but she meant more to him then that. She was the woman he loved, and nothing was more important then her. It was his business and yet, he had let her go, and now, she was sacrificing who knew how many years for him. Christopher thought about a lot as he held her, letting her cry, and he kissed her then because he really truly loved her. With all his heart, in a way that he’d thought he’d never love again after everything with Adriana. Then he’d met her, fallen for her, and somehow, she did the same. Only to lose her now as she dared to do what another wouldn’t. It made his love for her know no bounds and yet, it also ate him up inside, and laying there with her Christopher hated himself for having to lose her this way. For having to even ask her to do this. For sending her to do his business at all.   
“I love you, Christopher” said Roxanne into the skin of his neck loving her right back even as he didn’t say it back not needing to; after all, how could he not love her, the woman willing to go to prison for him. And he didn’t want her to.   
“I love you, you know that right” whispered Christopher making her look at him. Roxanne smiled at him then, her eyes shining with tears still as she touched his face. She didn’t need to answer either. All she had to do was bring him to kiss her, their lips moving in sync as his hand touched the back of her neck. That was good enough sign that they loved each other deeply.   
“I love you too” whispered Roxanne letting him hold her until she slept, his eyes never closing as the next day loomed.   
The ending of her trial had been quick. Soon, Christopher found himself with her outside of the courtroom as they waited for the verdict to come back. He was scared and so was she, but he handled it better. Roxanne paced in front of him as he leaned against a pillar in the hall. The hallway around them was rowdy, but they heard none of it as they waited for the deciding moment to come.   
“It’s gonna be alright. Just stay calm, babe” Christopher’s voice came to her, but as it did it sounded like it was coming from far away. Her thoughts were clouding everything. She could already hear the words being said, the guilty that would come, and with it she could feel the handcuffs as they locked around her wrists. She was so lost in the thought, she jumped when Christopher grabbed her hand to bring her into his arms, and sighing, she just shook her head trying to find even a semblance of calm.   
“Christopher” Roxanne said his name on a breath as her head fell to lay on his chest his hands on her shoulders as she felt his head as he laid it across hers both hearing faint footsteps as her lawyer then two guards approached them.   
“The verdict is in” said her lawyer as she turned to face them his arm around her.   
“Once the verdict is read, you’ll be handcuffed, and led out of the courtroom. I suggest you say your goodbyes now” said one of the guards smirking as she walked away with the second guard on her tail. Roxanne felt numb then, not hearing anything around her as she processed this moment. She felt almost certain that she was going to prison today and with that, she looked at Christopher.   
“We don’t know it’s gonna be guilty. We don’t know anything until we’re in there and it’s announced. Don’t be thinking the worst yet” said Christopher trying to convince both himself as well as her as he looked upon her knowing she wasn’t buying it when she touched his face in a way that felt too much like a goodbye for his liking.   
“Babe, don’t pay attention to them, look at me” whispered Roxanne making him look at her.   
“I am…I just…I love you. I love you and I don’t wanna let you go” whispered Christopher taking her in his arms then and crushing her body to his.   
“I know, just as long as you don’t forget about me in there…because I don’t want to lose you either” Roxanne said it with a shudder to her voice. Her arms were suddenly around his neck then as she held him to her almost as tight as he held her. He was tempted to take her and run then, but he knew it was too late now. The time for that had passed and kissing her shoulder, he saw her lawyer behind him then silently telling him they needed to hurry it along. The court would not wait for them.   
“Christopher” whispered Roxanne her tears in her voice seconds before he pulled away attacking her lips with his until he let them part again.   
“I love you, I could never forget you” whispered Christopher turning as the guards cleared their throats. They walked back into the court with her hand in his, but when he walked out, he was alone. They had found her guilty and it had been as the guards said, they took her away without another word. When Christopher sat down at the bar that night, Tony then Silvio next to him, he didn’t say anything, neither did they.


	2. Temptation in the Face of Pain

Tony and Silvio sat next to Christopher at the bar all night, waiting to see what he would say, trying to find their own. No one said anything though, because one didn't have them, while the others couldn't find any that were good enough. They didn't know what to say really, they hadn't dealt with this before. No one had ever done what Roxanne was doing now and they sensed that was weighing heavy on Cheistophers mind then as he drank his sorrows as if expecting the solution to be at the bottom of the empty bottle when he got there. His wife was doing hard time in prison because of him starting now. That was a heavy burden to hold and they could already see it weighing Christopher down. Neither of them had had to watch their wife go to jail for them. They knew all about the lives they led, but they'd never gotten as involved as Roxanne. She had been willing to sacrifice what she had to for the man she loved. To do what the woman before her had been unwilling and somehow, they knew that was on his mind too. That Adriana and Roxanne were both there in a constant battle. He had been mad when Adriana wouldn't do hard time for him and then he found a woman who didn't think twice about it. Something no other woman would have done and Christopher knew, Roxanne was the one in a million kind of woman. The thought shook Christopher more then he cared to admit because he didn't know when he would see her again, free, and Christopher suddenly wanted to scream and throw the glass in his hand against the wall. Because he would go home tonight to an empty apartment, then he would do it again tomorrow and the day after that, and after that for 2 to 4 years until maybe, he got to save his wife from that place, and take her home. He was no longer the selfish man he'd been when Adriana was alive, now, Roxanne was always on his mind, even before now, and he shook. He remembered how she'd cried the night before, how she'd said she was scared, and suddenly, he was scared too. Somehow, though he never said a word, Tony saw that too, and he somehow understood. After all, asking someone to make a sacrifice for you and seeing it done were two different things. He knew Roxanne had never even considered turning against Christopher and looking at the kid, he envied him; there weren't that many women like that out there. And yet, he couldn't imagine the sacrifice had been easy on anyone. Not Christopher, not Roxanne. They loved each other, it was in their eyes when they were together. Since meeting her, Tony had watched Christopher become a better man, grow even, and he knew Roxanne had done that. She didn't take his shit, but made him become a man who atoned for his actions. Until now, where she made the ultimate sacrifice for him and Tony wouldn't deny being worried. He could see the ten pound weights dragging Christopher down and he knew today wouldn't leave him. He couldn't imagine being in the same situation, he just couldn't. 

Watching her be dragged away, those cuffs around her wrists. 

“ Don't forget about me in there” Roxannes voice rang in his head as he remembered that last moment with her the look in her eyes belaying her deep fear of that as he downed another drink his eyes looking past the girls on stage and into the void just beyond them. They couldn't imagine where his mind was now. 

“ Roxannes tough, Christopher, she'll be okay. We'll take care of her in there. No one will get to her” Tony meant the words to reassure him, but they didn't seem to as Christopher looked at him in that moment, a dark look in his eyes that seemed to cut deep, down to the bone. 

“ She was scared, T, but she was still willing to do this for me” said Christopher swirling what remained of his drink in the glass. 

“ Of course, she was, she'd never been in trouble before. She's your wife though, Christopher, she's family. We won't let anything happen to her on the inside. She doing you and us a service. That won't be forgotten” Tony meant every word and still Christopher only looked at him. He could see the heavy emotion in his eyes. The regret and also the temptation to drown in his anger and sadness and pain. Deep down, Christopher wished he'd run away with her. That he hadn't been so selfish that he'd been unwilling to sacrifice his life and so willing to sacrifice her. It was complete flipped now and suddenly Christopher pushed his glass away until it fell off the bar as he lost it in front of everyone. Tony found himself pulling him into a hug and though his voice was drowned by the music, Tony heard the strangled gasps of breath he took. 

“ Get me out of here, T, before I do something I regret” gasped Christopher, the temptation too close. In that moment, Christopher wouldn't deny he wanted a fix. He knew Roxanne would have smacked the shit out of him for that, but he wanted it all the same. He wanted to shoot the drug into his veins and get lost. To forget that this was happening that his wife was doing 2 to 4 for him, but he couldn't. Not just because he knew Roxanne would have been ashamed of him for it, but he had promised her in their final moments not to forget about her in there. He wouldn't break that, ever, even if it meant he cried right there, in front of everyone. The temptation was there because in his mind, Roxanne wasn't in jail, he didn't get her sent away, and she was there with him. 

“ She's my strength, Tony, I don't know what to do with her in there and me out here ” the words burst from his lips as he cried in Tony's arms his head on his chest and suddenly, Christopher felt like he was going to fall without her there with him. Tony took him out of there, but he was only half paying attention. Christopher found himself in Tony's car, his eyes watching the road, but not seeing it. For awhile, he stared into the darkness until suddenly, he came back to himself. He closed his eyes and drew a shaky breath, picturing the moment when they'd taken her away again. She hadn't looked at him or cried or said anything. She just put her hands behind her back and let them take her. Opening his eyes, Christopher sighed, he knew that image would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

“ You gonna be okay?” whispered Tony not receiving any response at first as Christopher just ran a hand over his face taking a shaky breath. 

“ I thought I was prepared for this, but I wasn't. I never thought I'd be here again, T, after everything with Adriana…I never thought I'd trust someone enough again to love them. Roxanne though, she caught me, and I was hooked from day one. I never saw her coming” said Christopher smiling as he remembered how they'd started out. She had ignored his advances. She wouldn't give him the time of day. She'd made him work for it until she became like an obsession until finally he managed to wear her down. He'd never imagined finding a woman like that. 

“ Yeah, I know, I don't think anyone expected her to come along. She was just what you needed” Tony said it with a hint of laughter in his voice. He didn't think Christopher would appreciate it, but looking at him, he found him smiling. He wanted to know what he was thinking, but he didn't ask. The truth was Christopher was thinking, but remembering. Remembering the first time he noticed the elegantly beautiful woman tending bar at Artie Buccos restaurant. As if reading his thoughts, Tony started to speak in that moment. 

“ I remember when you first started with her, she didn't follow you around like a puppy. You followed her. She made you work for it...she's a strong girl, Christopher, she'll be okay” whispered Tony as Christopher laid his head back against the seat. He was drawn back then, to the first time he saw her from across a candlelit room. 

“ She caught my eye” thought Christopher as he remembered walking into Arties restaurant with Tony, Silvio, and Paulie, her lithe form moving behind the bar immediately grabbing his attention. 

Roxanne didn't look like all the bartenders Artie had hired before. Her breasts weren't spilling out of her shirt, she didn't wear a short skirt that barely covered her ass, but she breathed professionalism. She radiated strength and power and in that moment, there was no doubt in anyone's mind who ran that bar. She was in charge and she held herself in such a way to show it. 

“ A messy beauty...almost unattainable” Christopher had seen her that way upon first coming into contact with her and his mind had yet to be changed. With her mess of charcoal black curls and candlelight kissed skin, eyes that flashed in the flames even from afar. She wore tight black dress pants, her tall stilettos giving her an attitude that wasn't to be messed with, her shirt a sparkly green cotton with short sleeves, and a plunging neckline. Christopher had liked the way her skin glowed in the light, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off her until Tony clapped him on the shoulder. 

Artie had escorted them to their table himself and even when he wasn't looking at her, Christopher found he was wondering about her. Adriana had been gone only a few months, but it felt strange to look at a woman like that again. He had had a few of the girls at the club, but this was different. She just caught him and wouldn't let go. And yet, even as he wondered about her, he was cautious. He wouldn't make the mistakes he'd made with Adriana with anyone else. 

“ No one will ever get to me the way she did” Christopher thought that, his heart had been on lockdown then, but the chase to get her attention had opened it. As that thought caught him, he found himself catching Artie before he walked off. 

“ Hey Artie, who's that new girl behind the bar?” whispered Christopher unable to see her from their table, but he knew he would know who he meant. 

Artie seemed to hesitate, but when he answered it was with a smile. 

“ That's Roxanne, I just hired her a few days ago. She's turning out to be a great investment, the other girl was skimming from the register and always giving away drinks. Roxanne, she's all business” Artie walked away then and Christopher felt the guys staring at him. They looked away when he began to notice, but he knew why. This was the first interest he had shown in a woman since Adriana.


	3. First Impressions are Usually Wrong

“ She’s pretty, she shouldn’t hide it” thought Christopher as he entered Artie Bucco’s restaurant, he was here to pursue Roxanne, the woman he had been admiring since first seeing her, but only now, almost two weeks later was he approaching her to show his interest, he thought he knew what would happen, but he didn’t. He didn’t greet anyone as he walked in, he only moved over to the bar to sit down where he wouldn’t be noticed, but also where he could watch her from afar. Christopher lost track of the time he spent just watching her go about her business, but eventually, it was long enough that she noticed him. Roxanne approached him the way she would any other patron, only he barely recognized it as she did until suddenly, she was right there, her hands on her hips looking at him with an expectant look in her eyes. She didn’t act like the girl at the club or the girl who had her job before her. She didn’t fawn over him or act interested just to get into his wallet, she was all business. It took Christopher off guard almost immediately. It was the fact that she treated him like anyone else that shook him the most. It had been awhile since he had just been Christopher and not associated with Tony as soon as people looked at him.   
“What can I get you?” exclaimed Roxanne anxious to get back to her other customers. She didn’t flinch or look afraid of him at all. She stood tall on her high heeled feet and it was clear she was in charge in that moment. Christopher found her liked that. That it even turned him on as he stared her down left almost speechless by her entire demeanor.   
“I’ll give you a minute” said Roxanne quickly not even giving him a smile as she walked away to wait on someone else, as she did, Christopher let his eyes run over the length of her. She was a bombshell with her hair in a long braid atop her head all dressed in black, her tall heels the only thing making her tower over him.   
“I’ll have a bourbon neat” said Christopher not receiving even a smile as she turned to get his drink. Roxanne didn’t give him the time of day that night. She brought him his drink, setting it on a napkin in front of him before walking away. Christopher wasn’t surprised this time, he remembered what Artie had said, and he smiled as he reached for his drink. She was all business, but the longer he sat there the more Christopher found he didn’t care. Sitting there, he found he liked watching her, watching her move, watching her stand under the low candlelight. The light shined off her skin in an almost sensual way that he found almost enchanting as he admired it. She brought him his second drink the same way as his first and Christopher still watched her as she walked away. He couldn’t help being torn.   
“She doesn’t flirt or show me any attention at all” thought Christopher, unsure how he felt about it, for he had always been the center of Adriana’s world, but with this girl it wouldn’t be that way, he could sense that somehow, yet it intrigued him as much as it frustrated him encouraging him to watch her all the more.   
Christopher stayed all night. Artie was close to closing, but he was still there on his third drink. He had ordered it some time ago, but Christopher hadn’t touched it. He was too busy, his eyes heavily fixed on her, and finally, she couldn’t ignore him. It was just the two of them now and after sitting there all night, Christopher finally got the chance to speak to her.   
“ Do you usually go all night without talking to anyone because I’ve been sitting here all night and you haven’t even told me your name” whispered Christopher, she was standing right in front of him then cleaning glasses and at the hushed sound of his words, she looked right at him with a point blank stare that was almost unsettling at first. Her eyes looked away just as quickly though and suddenly, she had her back to him. While he appreciated the view at first, Christopher found it unsettling the way she seemed to shrug off his advances. He watched her put the glasses on the shelf where they went. When she finally spoke, it was drowned out by the clink of glasses, so much so that Christopher didn’t hear her at first.   
“My names Roxanne, but Arthur already told you that” exclaimed Roxanne a hint of humor in her words. Christopher found himself taken off guard when she said that and even more so when she finally looked at him. She turned in an elegant twirl as she finished putting the glasses away and she just looked at him. It felt like she was taking him under scrutiny, but Christopher shrugged that away as he looked right back.   
“He didn’t tell me your last name. You got one of those?” whispered Christopher feeling suddenly foolish. He was trying so hard to impress this girl. To get her to pay him half a mind, but he still didn’t understand why. She was just another girl, at least that’s what he thought at the time, but somehow, she wasn’t too. Because she wasn’t connected to anything the way everyone else seemed to be. From what he could find out about her, Roxanne had appeared in Jersey out of nowhere, but she was alone. She had no ties to anything or anyone. Somehow, Christopher found that intrigued him more as they stared each other down then, part of him still not sure why this girl got to his as badly as she did.   
It was then that she turned to look at him, her eyes seeming to watch him as if assessing him. She turned to face him then and moving directly in front of him behind the bar, she held herself against the bar.   
“Yeah, I got a last name, but what’s it to you? Why are you so interested in me?” exclaimed Roxanne making him smile as the words left her mouth because suddenly Christopher knew, he was getting to her too, she just didn’t show it, her timid smile was the only thing that let on that she was interested in him at all. Christopher looked at her then and he couldn’t deny he liked how she held herself. Things had never been this way with Adriana. He had always been the one in control while Adriana just went along with him. Roxanne though, they weren’t even together, and it wasn’t that way. It was like they were equals even as they weren’t. Christopher looked at her and he knew, he had no control over her, and yet she had no control over him either. They were just two people on equal footing in their situation. Christopher liked that even as he was unsure how he felt about it.   
Only for a moment, he pushed on quickly.   
“Just curious” said Christopher, seeing as she assessed him as he had her.   
“You’re curious about me?” exclaimed Roxanne a laugh leaving her for only a moment, she looked at him still, but now she was tilting her head just slightly as if trying to figure him out, the truth was she was trying to decide whether to trust him or not or even believe him.   
“Arthur warned you” thought Roxanne in that moment even as she made up her mind, a smile finding its way onto her face to tell him she had done so, and then just as quickly, she was holding out her hand for him to take.   
“I’m Roxanne Morella” whispered Roxanne her smile dropping when he took her hand only not to let it go.   
He brought it to his lips then and it took all Roxanne had not to smile. The truth was she had liked Christopher from the moment he first sat down at her bar, but she didn’t let it show. She had kept her business demeanor even as he was melting her with his eyes. It hadn’t escaped her notice the way he watched her all night. It had flattered her, it still did even as she hid it still as they stood there with him still holding her hand.   
“Chris Moltisanti” whispered Christopher kissing her hand, then letting it settle in his for only a moment before letting her slip away. Christopher thought he had her for a moment there, but it was all gone suddenly. Roxanne became all business again. He didn’t know what did it, but where she had been letting him in before, suddenly, she was rigid. It confused him even as he watched it happen.   
“Alright, Mr. Moltisanti, could I get you another drink?” whispered Roxanne her voice low as she looked away from him then. She took his glass before he answered and looking at her, Christopher wasn’t sure if she wanted him to leave or if she wanted him to stay. He hoped it was the latter, but he couldn’t be sure even as he wanted to grab her and shake her and make her see she didn’t have to put up these walls with him. He knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere, so he only let her go.   
She was walking away before he even nodded. The next sound he heard was the hollow thud of his glass hitting the bar when she returned. She didn’t really return though, after that, it was like she avoided coming any closer to him. Like she was on guard against him. Christopher watched her still and her distance pained him though he wasn’t sure why. She was just some girl he was hitting on, at least that’s what he thought even as he wasn’t so sure. The longer he sat there the more unsure he became.   
“We’re gonna close in a couple minutes” called Artie then, only then did she approach him again to collect his glass.   
“I’ll see you around, Christopher” whispered Roxanne snatching his glass off in one quick movement before walking away. Christopher stopped this time though. He grabbed her hand before she could get to far and suddenly, they were looking right at each other. They stood close now, only the bar separating them, and looking at her Christopher knew she wasn’t sure what to expect from him. The truth was he didn’t know what he was going to do next either, but he didn’t let it show. He only looked at her and she looked back. They were both trying to get a read on each other, but neither of them was successful. They both had their guard up and looking at each other, they both thought the same thing. What happened to make them build those walls?   
“He’s interesting” thought Roxanne in that moment, that was the first positive thought she had about Christopher Moltisanti, and it wouldn’t be the last.   
“Could I take you home tonight?” whispered Christopher giving her a wink. Roxanne looked at him and the longer she did, the more her guard started to fall. Just looking at him, Roxanne knew what he was. A gangster. Someone on the wrong side of the law. It deterred her even as it didn’t. She had experienced a lot over the years, and she wasn’t afraid. After all she’d been through, she wasn’t afraid of the what if’s anymore, and she sensed something in Christopher. That maybe he wasn’t just the gangster. That maybe there was more to him hidden beneath that. Beneath all his fine clothes and his confidence was a vulnerability. Roxanne found herself intrigued by it. So, intrigued that it was slowly turning to temptation as she looked at him, a split second away from letting him take her home.   
She was tempted to drop her business demeanor and just be Roxanne, but then he slid a roll of bills across the bar at her. Roxanne looked at it for just a moment before looking away again the look in her eyes changing very quickly. They went from being intrigued to disgusted quicker then Christopher could have thought possible. There was four hundred dollars sitting on the bar in front of her at least, but Roxanne wasn’t interested in it. And she was no longer interested in him. Suddenly, he wasn’t just another patron trying to pick her up or some gangster. Roxanne found she couldn’t get away from him quick enough.   
“Let go of me” snapped Roxanne quickly her eyes glaring at him so fiercely that it scared him. Christopher felt blown away by her then by the fact that she could change like that so quickly. He didn’t have time to do as she asked. Roxanne did it for him. She stepped away from him putting significant distance between them as she did so. Using the tip of her finger, Roxanne slid his money away until it fell off the bar. She stared at him with such disgust, Christopher found it disconcerting even as he was picking his money up.   
“Sorry, Mr. Moltisanti, but I’m not a hooker” snapped Roxanne walking away from him before he could say anything.   
Christopher watched her go and he didn’t need to ask. He knew he had fucked up royally. He knew he couldn’t buy this girl and it didn’t turn him off. In fact, it made him want her more, and as he watched her go, he didn’t know why, but he wanted to chase after her. He hadn’t chased a woman since Adriana, and he wanted to chase after her. He just didn’t know if she would let him.


	4. A Gangster and a Gentleman

“Why are you doing this?” thought Christopher as he sat outside the restaurant in his car waiting for Roxanne to exit out the back door. He had no answer to his own question. He felt out of his element in so many ways, mostly because he had never stalked a woman or had to work this way to get someone’s attention. This one seemed different from any woman he had ever laid eyes on. Not just because she wouldn’t give him the time of day, but because she wasn’t like most of the world he had met. She didn’t see him with Tony and think he could get her somewhere; she didn’t seem to care. It was new to him, maybe that was why he was eager to get close to her.   
“She’s a tough one” thought Christopher when she finally came out the back door, not moving to approach her, but instead watching her as she approached her car. She looked tired as she opened a beat-up green car just ahead.   
“Why are you doing this?” thought Christopher again, his mind uncertain as he followed her home to her small apartment on the edge of Jersey, watching her go inside, but not leaving even then choosing instead to watch her windows even after they were dark.   
This girl was tough.   
“She can take care of herself” thought Christopher, thinking of the way she carried herself and her overall attitude since the moment he laid eyes on her then looking at the place where she lived seeing from it alone that she was a woman that didn’t want taken care of, but do survive on her own no matter what that might mean for her. She was a vast change from the woman he had just loved and lost. Christopher couldn’t be completely sure, but sometimes he thought that was why he was so drawn to her. Because she wouldn’t give him the same problems. If anything, the problems she gave him would be new and he wanted that as he watched her darkened windows. She could take care of herself; he wouldn’t have to worry about looking after her all the time. Maybe she could even take care of him. Christopher was eager to find out what being with another woman might be like even as he worried that it would end the same way. It hurt to think of that happening again as he sat there alone in the darkened street. He didn’t want the same thing he’d just had, but he wanted something new.   
He wanted something to challenge him, but also some type of normalcy. He wanted someone who he could depend on as much as they could depend on him. When Christopher looked at Roxanne, he saw that. He saw someone willing to walk the line with him. Someone willing to do hard time with him and stand by him. With Roxanne, he saw someone who didn’t give her heart away easily, and who would love him if he loved her in return. Christopher could almost see himself doing that as he sat there just outside her apartment. In Roxanne, he saw someone who had always taken care of themselves, and someone who wouldn’t give that up easily. Someone who was brave and a fighter, just like he was. He wouldn’t have to worry about her. That was what he wanted as he sat there alone in the quiet streets. Someone whose every move he wouldn’t have to watch, but who could take what he had to give yet handle him even at his worst. He could see in her that Roxanne was that woman. A woman who could take care of him. She would be the one to walk beside him and keep him stable. So, he wouldn’t need the drugs, but only her. He saw in Roxanne someone who wouldn’t give up on him even when he gave up on himself. He could see in her that she wouldn’t take his shit, but instead, throw it right back into his face. He somehow knew that was what he needed as he finally drove away from her apartment that night. He promised to return tomorrow though to win her over. With someone like Roxanne, he knew what he wanted, and sensed he would get it. Together, they could take care of each other, and love each other. He could see himself loving her even if it hadn’t happened yet, but at the moment, he could just see it.   
“We’ll see what happens tomorrow” thought Christopher as he drove away already thinking about what he’d do the next night. The next night started much like the one before it except this time, Christopher stood up against his car, so when she exited the back door, she would be sure to see him. Roxanne exited the back door just the same and when she caught sight of him, he saw her stop. Her eyes were right on him, staring, at first on guard then just annoyed as she looked at him. She looked right at him before suddenly walking towards her car. Christopher followed her, leaning up against her car.   
“What are you doing?” said Roxanne suddenly, looking at him as she opened her car door. She looked at him with an uncertain gaze now. As if she wasn’t sure whether to trust him or scream for help or really what to do at all. It was clear she didn’t know what to make of any of this. It made Christopher wonder if she had ever been pursued like this before.   
“Look, I’d just like to apologize. For the way I acted…I was out of line” whispered Christopher, seeing from the look she gave him that she knew he was sincere.   
“Yes, you were…I’m a lady and I don’t appreciate you handing me a wad of money like some whore” exclaimed Roxanne, her eyes boring into his letting him see how serious she was, and making it clear such behavior would not be tolerated.   
“I know, I’m sorry…it won’t happen again. You have my word” whispered Christopher seeing as she looked him up and down that she believed him.   
“I didn’t go about things the way I wanted to” exclaimed Christopher, seeing as she watched him still. Her eyes held curiosity now as she looked at him. He had all her attention now and he could see she wanted to see what he meant. It encouraged him to move forward.   
“I like you, Roxanne, you see like someone that I could get along with. I want to get to know you and maybe be with you…I just didn’t know how to say it” exclaimed Christopher, seeing a hint of softness in her eyes. A small smile played at her lips, but as soon as she caught him looking at it, she hid it quickly. She kept up her tough exterior. It made Christopher wonder what she looked like when she wasn’t wearing that façade. She was leaning fully against her car now and her eyes were no longer looking at him. They looked at the ground as if trying to decide something. Whatever she was thinking made her laugh, her eyes slinking back to look at him, and he could see she had made her decision on whatever it was. She didn’t tell him what it was.   
“You have an interesting way of going about it. Let me tell you something, Mr. Moltisanti, if you’re interested in a woman you don’t offer her money like some common street whore. You be a gentleman and walk up to her and ask her to dinner” exclaimed Roxanne, not sparing him another glance as she got into her car to drive away.   
Christopher didn’t say anything as she drove away. He watched her drive away, not because he was giving up, but because she was right. That wasn’t at all the way a man found the woman he might marry or have a family with someday. It wasn’t even how you found the woman you cheated on your wife with. He didn’t know how to redeem himself, but Christopher knew that was what he had to do. He had to show her that this was not who he was, and her words gave him an idea on just how to do that.   
“I’m just gonna have to make a good impression” thought Christopher, not returning to bother her until days later when he had everything more planned out. Christopher realized he couldn’t handle things with his usual brash way of doing things. He had to show her that he was the gentleman she wanted. That he could do that. He just had to think about it. What would she like? What would impress her? In the end, Christopher had to play it by ear.   
“Roxanne?” called Christopher the next time he found himself waiting outside Artie’s restaurant as she came out the back door. When she saw him, this time she actually smiled at him, and walking towards him, she laughed. He was leaning against her car this time dressed in his best suit. He looked like he was dressed for a hot date. Roxanne was almost touched by it as she approached, still not going to make it easy on him, but greatly appreciating the effort he was putting in. She especially appreciated the beautiful bouquet of flowers that he held in his hands. He could see the closer she got that she appreciated the gesture if nothing else.   
“You brought me flowers?” whispered Roxanne, standing in front of him now. Christopher handed her the flowers, liking the way she smiled as she smelled them. Her eyes were sparkling when she looked at him again, it caught him off guard as he stood there with her, somehow getting closer to her without even moving an inch. He could somehow sense that that look meant something more then he really understood in that moment.   
“Yeah, this is me being a gentleman” said Christopher, his hand brushing over hers. When he did, their fingers touched, and their eyes met. That sparkle didn’t leave her eyes then as they stood there in the middle of the street. They didn’t say anything at first, they only stood there, and it made him want to be closer to her somehow. It made him feel like maybe he was redeeming himself in her eyes somehow. That moment didn’t end until she moved passed him then to walk to her car. He watched her open the door and he let his eyes really look at her as she tossed her purse inside. When she put the flowers in after it, she laid them down more gently, and when she turned again, he was close enough to touch her. They stood by her open car door, both waiting to see what the other would say. In the end, it was her who had to break the silence.   
“Well, I’d say you’ve shown me your more of a gentleman then I originally thought…what’s your plan now? You gonna keep standing out here every night because that could be called stalking?” whispered Roxanne, her voice playful as she looked at him clearly trying to figure him out.   
“Well, I’m trying to be a gentleman like you wanted” whispered Christopher, leaning closer to her and feeling only partially surprised when she didn’t lean away like she usually did.   
“Roxanne, I like you…I would really like it if you’d have dinner with me” whispered Christopher, feeling strangely nervous afterward.   
“Wow…now that was impressive. I like it” exclaimed Roxanne clapping her hands as her eyes seemed to watch him in that moment before her lips curved into a smile. She got into her car and closed the door; he didn’t think he was going to get an answer at all until she rolled her window down after starting the car.   
“If you can wait that long, I’m off Thursday, I’d like it very much to go to dinner with you” said Roxanne, the tone of her voice different now.   
Christopher openly smiled then, he had never had to work so hard got for a woman before, and somehow that made it worth more.   
“That’s great, where should I pick you up?” said Christopher making her laugh.   
“You can pick me up at my apartment” said Roxanne, her voice more laughter then anything else.   
“Are you going to tell me where that is or do, I need to harass Arthur for it?” exclaimed Christopher, as she still laughed until he found himself laughing too. Her hands covered her face then as she laughed with him. There was something insane yet beautiful about laughing with her in the middle of the street. Christopher found he enjoyed it as he stood there leaning against her car as she sat inside of it.   
“You already know where it is. You were sitting outside my apartment all night the other night. I’ll see you at eight” said Roxanne, she didn’t give him a chance to respond then as she chose to simply drive away. Christopher was left standing there then, his mouth hanging open. He didn’t know she’d noticed him that night. After a moment, he smiled, she was always surprising him, and he liked that.


End file.
